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Wednesday, 27 May 2009

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    Longing for days when we were younger

    When we could smile, When I was stronger.

    When tears could come and tears could go

    And chills only came with the snow.

    This can’t be what life is supposed to be

    It can’t be that I’m supposed to have lost me.

    I search and I search but I just can’t find

    Myself or you or anything in my mind.

    I can’t remember yesterday, I can’t quite see today

    I can’t make out the words I know you’re trying to say.

    So empty the world becomes, the walls empty and white

    When nothing makes it through unless its willing to fight

    But what would fight when I’ll just sit here

    And cling to anything I can feel.

    So emptiness, I guess you’re my only friend

    When I know that tonight is so close to the end.

    I don’t want to let go of everything I know should be there

    But for me to hold on I’d need to find it in me to care

    I need to find what’s around me that I know I need

    But this is my own advice I just can’t seem to heed.

    So cold, empty, and alone I leave this life behind

    And step onto the blank canvas that looks so unkind.

    I’m leaving behind all that I can’t remember, but which I know I should

    To find a world that maybe will be what it could

    But probably won’t because I’ve lost myself again

    In this mist that seems to be my trend.

Tuesday, 03 March 2009

  • Hell's So Cold

    My insecurities
    are taking over me
    I can't look upon your
    beauty and torture anymore.
    Your hypocritical assertions
    just aren't worth the exertion
    to keep my scars from growing thin
    where once gushing wounds are barely held in.
    Pain I can't control
    is gaining more of a hold
    on everything I've fought so hard
    to keep behind my scornful guard
    as I feel your dagger enter my skin
    and I know it's a battle I'll never win.
    Me against everyone and everything
    only sounds like it's charming
    till the most beautiful ideals
    are revealed as just unreal.
    So you're crushing me beneath this weight
    of what I can interpret as naught but hate.
    Now my chest is burning as I close my eyes
    and know my star is blinking from the skies.
    I cannot help but wonder;
    do you know you're holding me under?
    A ring of cold encircles my soul,
    hell's not as cold as I'd been told.
    Nor as flame covered and bright -
    oh how I should have done right!
    Though it's poetic justice, I suppose,
    as following the outside, the outside goes.
    Ugly inside, and vile out,
    of this truth I have no doubt:
    with one accidental move
    I gave myself a fate you would never approve.
    You may want to claim an intent to save
    but you push me to the end you crave.
    And I walk through a cast iron gate
    with a note in hand, "Please do not resuscitate."

Sunday, 22 February 2009

  • Won't you please stop dying?
    Don't leave me behind,
    alone and crying,
    as my world is emptying
    of those I'd held as
    permanent fixtures in an ever changing scene.
    The warmth is leached from the air
    as I reach for those
    I know are no longer there.
    A frozen tear drops from my eye
    but I know now
    I'm just not ready to die.
    I run in fear from uncertain fate;
    the rain chases me,
    this pain I can't escape.
    Can't it all just go away?
    Maybe we can smile again...
    someday.

Monday, 15 December 2008

  • I’m screaming through closed lips

    And you don’t hear a sound.

    My heart is bursting

    With tears I’ve held inside.

    My mind is reeling

    I pull out my hair by fistfuls

    Though you see no difference between then and now.

    You’ve turned your back

    On my collapse

    Despite your promises to care.

    I’m turning inside out

    I feel the churning in my stomach

    And know what’s coming next.

    I’m just afraid to see

    The way it turns out this time

    After how close a call I came to last time

    I went down this beaten path.

Thursday, 11 December 2008

  • one of those days again...

    Looking in on a friend

    Through the window of yesterday,

    Pinching myself

    To be sure I’m still alive.

    Staring through tears

    At the markings the past has left

    That leave nothing for me but ink, dirt, and sighs.

    Wishing for the words

    That could pass the truth to you

    But all I’m finding

    Is that my mouth’s’ run dry.

    Scars are forming

    Over the marks you left in my heart.

    And I’m scouring my skin with my nails

    Because I’m just not ready to let go,

    Though the memories fade and the miles grow long

    The past just seems so much brighter than today.

    When you look back to me,

    If you even bother to try,

    You think “what a wonderful life” but if only you knew…

    Something’s missing…that something is you.

    Yet I can’t find your face

    In front of me or inside.

    You’re gone but for the screen in front of my eyes

    New friends and new places you embrace

    Take the place I once claimed as mine

    And all I can do is watch through my pane

    As my past is stolen,

    Everyone forgets.

    But I stand alone, fighting changes I cannot control

    With the hope that maybe

    Someday

    You’ll remember where you left me

    So long ago.

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